sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Randomize
