i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
