so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
