She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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