So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
