I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
Randomize
