Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
Randomize
