That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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