Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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