I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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