No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
