i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
