PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
