I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
