a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
