sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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