He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
They took my balls.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
Randomize
