On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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