don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Randomize
