i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
