Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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