what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
