thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
