I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
Randomize
