He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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