I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
