And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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