Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
