I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Randomize
