i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
