went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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