Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
