I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
