i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
Randomize
