Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
Randomize
