I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
