guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
