Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
What a dumb baby whore.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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