Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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