I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
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