I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
