I'm going to rape someone's good day.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I know now that the cab driver can get me a 10 dollar blow job. I'm practically a local.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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