I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
