so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
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