Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
