so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
