how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
