everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
