I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
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