I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
