I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
He kissed a someone with a penis
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
