god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
