i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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