Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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