I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
